I've given this a lot of thought-- I think I have the best of both worlds when it comes to my part time work situation.
Seriously, I do not know how (outside the home) full time working mothers get it all done in a day. I have a lot of respect! I worked the past two weeks "full time" and can't believe how behind I've already fallen in almost every single aspect of life. My house is chaos. Dishes are in the sink, laundry isn't done, meals aren't prepared, I have a huge stack of mail sitting on my desk. I'm off work today and spent my entire morning catching up on housework. And I still have so many other errands to run-- grocery, bank, post office, gym, etc. How to some of these ladies do it?
But, back to work-- Before Trey, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. My mom stayed at home with me, and that's how I always pictured myself raising my children. When I was pregnant and we figured out our budget, I realized that I couldn't stay at home. At least not full time. To say I was completely devastated is a bit of an understatement.
For months, I dreaded going back to work. I didn't want to leave Trey with someone else. I didn't want to miss anything. After all, they are only little once. I think I felt in some way I wasn't being as good of a mother because I needed to make money, too. Silly, right?
The first week of leaving him with Nanny Carolyn was much harder than I thought. I cried everyday and thought more than once about calling off.
But, since then, I have been pleasantly surprised at the transition back to work. Don't get me wrong, when I am away, I miss being with him like crazy. It is soo hard to leave him in the morning. But, going to work has proven to be a nice "break" from being a mom. I enjoy getting out the house without a diaper bag, bottles, and lugging around a stroller. I enjoy seeing my co-workers and talking to people about things other than schedules and poop and pumping. And, after 4 weeks back at work, I'm learning not to feel too guilty about that. :)
In no way am I ready to go back full time. I will keep my part-time gig up for as long as I can. It gets me out of the house just enough to keep my sanity and contribute financially, but still allows me to get plenty of snuggles with my baby.